Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
