i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
