I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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