Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize