Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
