thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
