My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
