sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
