Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
