when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
