Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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