YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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