My sheets look like a crime scene.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
