$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
