I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
the raccoons are back...
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