I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
