Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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