Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
