god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
