There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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