got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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