I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
