Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So squirting runs in the family.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
