Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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