Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
