What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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