Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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