im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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