Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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