You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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