Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
