she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
