I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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