Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
