never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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