so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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