do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
no you cant smoke seaweed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
