Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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