After last night, I could never be a politician.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Green mimosas i think yes
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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