The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
