One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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