dude i'm inner monologue high
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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