I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
