Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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