so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
