lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
