Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
