My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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