one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
