worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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