he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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