I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
