God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
