Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
