Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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