she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
