So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
