I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
